The Background

I am part of the sandwich generation. I care for my son and my mother. My son is 24 years old. He has Angelman Syndrome. I have been a single parent for more than 10 years. My mother and I bought a house together so that I could afford a place to live and because she was tired always. My mother was my backup. She was there for my son when he came home until I came home from work.

Shortly before my husband walked out my mother had signed up for a senior citizen place that had independent living, nursing home and was going to add assistive living. This was so that I would not have to worry about taking care of her if something happened. She moved in there but after a year decided that she was just too tired going back and forth between our places. I finally agreed to buy a house with her.

I'm now taking care of my mother too. We hoped it wouldn't happen but.... My mother is one of 10 children. She's the baby. Her oldest sister lived to be 90 something and always did very well. Another sister died years ago. She had some medical issues and was in a nursing home. After a while she began to develop memory issues. It was Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's has a heredity component. A few years ago my mother was supposed to be going on a trip with another of her older sisters. Every time she called her to talk about it my aunt didn't remember the plans.

About two to three years ago my mother had to think through her travel routes when driving places. One Friday about two years ago she was asking me if she remembered right how to go to the doctor's office. She did. On Sunday she had no idea how to get there. I had to go with her on that Monday because she couldn't remember. He ordered tests to see if maybe she had a mini stroke. She hadn't.

So we are now two years into a disease that has a life expectancy of 8-10 years. I hate it. There are so many emotional issues involved. I can't even tell you how many times I have wished she would die. She has wished it many times too. Sometimes I hate her and want to put her in a nursing home and never see her again. Can you imagine the guilt? the anger? how I sometimes blame my ex-husband that I am in this situation? (child support problems helped force me into agreeing to move in with my mother) I have no patience. I get angry my mother gets angry. I constantly say things I shouldn't and then my mother either wishes she were dead or says she will move out. It's a terrible life. I have no life. I can't go anywhere except work without taking her with me. Even work she tries to lay on a guilt trip because she is left home all alone. I have a daughter. She's 22. She sees the way I am with my mother. It's hereditary. I will probably get Alzheimer's too. I wonder about it sometimes even now-but then again I don't get enough sleep (Angelman syndrome includes a sleep disorder) and of course the stress is great in my life. Both can cause memory problems. My daughter will have to take care of me. And her brother.

Well that's the background. Next, I'll explain the title of the blog.